Paris Bans Cars For A Day, Cyclists Take Over City Like Locusts

Chicago Tribune- Parisians and tourists were encouraged to stroll through the City of Light on Sunday as officials banned cars from its streets for a day.

Paris has experimented with car-free days in the past, but Sunday marked the first time the entire city was handed over to ramblers, cyclists and roller-bladers.

“It’s nice for the air quality, for enjoying the city, walking around without any noise, without any risk to be run over by a car,” Maxime Denis said as he strolled near Place de la Republique in the city center.

I’m all for a casual ride around town on a Citibike, given how thrilling it is to weave through traffic and bomb through yellow lights just in time. But to remove cars entirely from a city for the day, just so that people and cyclists can wander through the streets? That’s giving too much power to the bikers. Next thing you know, they’ll be asking for their own roads and a total eradication of cars for the sake of “safety.” Newsflash bikers: bicycles are dangerous as hell. Nobody ever fell off a car (unless they were dancing on it at a tailgate or something). Nobody ever flipped over the handlebars of their car. Nobody ever took anabolic steroids to win a car race through the mountains of France. And nobody ever got their pant leg stuck in the spokes of their car, which turned their nice new jeans to distressed jeans in a matter of seconds.

On Sunday, Paris told cars to stay in their lots, handing the streets over to reckless cyclists and walkers who flaunted their newfound liberty with wide turns and a complete disregard for traffic laws. People took to the streets in a mass riot; Parisians lost their heads in this state of nature. Baguettes flew off the shelves as citizens stocked their basements in preparation for the apocalypse, forgetting that baguettes stay fresh for 10 minutes before they become paper weights.

There were even reports of breakdancing battles in the streets:

Full disclosure, I don’t know if this was a battle. It looks like he’s the only one. Might just be a demonstration. But to me, breakdancing only exists in battle form. You’re battling yourself, gravity, your parents’ disappointment that you’re a breakdancer… nobody breakdances casually.

In the end, the experiment only reminded the rest of us just how much we love our automobiles. Where else can you listen to music, eat lunch, and have sex, all at the same time? I guess anywhere, really. Anywhere… other than on a bicycle.